It's been a long time since I wrote anything but God has been teaching me a lot about so many things lately. Last time I talked about my sweet friend Melissa and the strength she gave me and the lessons she's taught me.
Since then, Melissa went home to be with Jesus. On April 23, 2013 Melissa took her last breath and I found after that her last few breaths were easy. How sweet. I am so grateful that her last breath was easy. However, my heart was so broken. My heart hurt tremendously because I had just lost an amazingly sweet friend. I've never had a real experience with death before and so I was at a total loss of what to do and death is something that is handled differently depending on who you are. For me, I spent two weeks keeping myself really busy and not allowing myself to grieve. I did whatever I needed to do to keep myself busy and to not let myself sit with my thoughts. That can be a seemingly unhealthy way to go about this. See, in those two weeks I was keeping myself from grieving the beautiful life of someone who showed me what walking with Jesus really looked like and in those two weeks I'm certain that I didn't seek after Jesus.
God showed up in those two weeks through so many people in my life, regardless that I wasn't trying to seek Jesus. My YL team has been an incredible wall to lean on during this time of heartache. I think in my time of hurt and lack of wanting to seek Jesus they showed me Jesus in tangible ways. My friend Liz and her roommates took me in, literally, and let me stay at their house to be around people that love me and care for me during all of this.
Learning how to deal with the loss of a friend is never easy, but after this last month without her I have learned a lot about loving others well and focusing on Jesus because that's what matters. It took a couple of weeks to get there but at one point Jesus really got to my broken heart and I opened the eyes of my heart to let Jesus really comfort me.
In this God showed me that He is truly the only one that can hold my heart, broken or whole. In this God showed me that I was still here at UF for a reason. God knew exactly what He was doing when I got placed on GHS because I needed that family in this. I'm learning to really love people and love people well, although I fail at it often, I'm praying for the Lord to help me in that.
Psalms 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This verse brought me a lot of comfort this last month. I'm thankful for the Lord staying close to my broken heart even when I didn't see it.
Melissa, you are a sweet young woman who set the world on fire with your love for Christ and for others. You taught me so much about life and love and Jesus. Miss your sweet smile everyday and I know I have a precious angel watching over me. I'm thankful for all you allowed the Lord to do through you to me and so many others. Love you and miss you every day.
