From the bottom of my heart.

The past few weeks of my life have been absolutely stressful and I know I didn't mention that in my last post, but that one was already long and focused on something else. I know that I don't usually post something so soon after one another, but this has been heavy on my heart and I don't know how else to express it.

For the past few weeks, I have felt very overwhelmed. Very stressed. Very much like I'm drowning in life. I have been consistently pushed and pulled in a lot of directions and frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted in every kind of exhaustion that exists: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I've consistently felt like I'm drowning in everything for a solid few weeks now and I've become distant and detached because of it. 

In the midst of my frustrations last week, I was reminded to spend some quiet time with Jesus and rest in His love for me and I'll feel better because of it. As I was reminded that, I was rushing out of my apartment to work, after an already long day of class, eating my sandwich. I chose to spend the entire drive just chatting with Jesus, something I hadn't done in a while. My friend was right, I did feel better. I felt more at peace. Less like I'm sinking and more like I'm floating. But as the week went on the busyness of life remained constant, and even seemed to pick up the pace.

Due to all of this chaos in my life, I've become distant. I'm spent. I feel like I've poured out all I have to give and I hit empty. There's been no refills. And I know it's because I haven't made time for Jesus to rest in Him and His love. To be refilled by Him. I've filled my days start to finish and most of that doesn't include Jesus. Sure, I go to church and YL leadership, and even YL College now...but none of that compares to the quality quiet time with The Lord. 

So with that I am sorry. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart to those around me. I am sorry that I've become distant. I am sorry if I haven't been there for you like you needed or wanted me to be. I am sorry if I have been rude, it was completely unintentional. I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way, shape, or form. Please know how much I care and how much I've wanted to want to be there for you. How much I've wanted to be a better friend these past few weeks. Know that I still love every single one of you a whole bunch. Those who I'm closest with and around most often, I am extra sorry if you've needed me and I wasn't there for you. I want to love you, and love you well, and I haven't been doing a very good job of that. I may have physically been there for you, but emotionally or mentally I have been elsewhere. Will you forgive me? Will you hold me accountable? Will you pray for me? Will you pray with me? 

As I seek Jesus more and more right now, I'm beginning to no longer sink or float, but to swim. I hope that you can forgive me and know that I would never intentionally hurt you by being distant from you. I love y'all so stinkin' much and I promise that I really am always here for you, no matter what.