Jesus always shows up.

I'm sitting in the architecture building on campus with one of my favorite people just hanging out. These are some of my favorite moments. Moments like this when I'm allowed to sit and just be with my favorites. I think one of my favorite parts of hanging with Kenz is how real we are with one another. She can ask the hard questions and the easy questions and I get to process my life with her. It's a sweet picture of how life is supposed to be walked alongside a community. Such a blessing to have people in my life that I get to do life with who consistently pour into me so much and so well.

Today Kenz asked me if I was excited for break and I think for the first time I was able to genuinely answer "Yes! I'm excited because I'm excited to see my parents." This will be the second time I will be home since the beginning of August and the second time I've seen my dad and brother since August. Thanksgiving was great, but I saw them for like 5 hours and I was so sick that I didn't want to do anything but lay on the couch. I am actually craving quality time with my parents, and lots of it. I want to sit and watch endless hours of NCIS with my dad. I want to go shopping with my mom, as much as I hate shopping. I want to drink coffee and hot apple cider and simply be with my family. Those of you that know me well, know that it is very unlike me to say those things and it's only because of Jesus that I can say them.

God has worked so much on my heart and my relationship between me and my parents, specifically my mom and I. It's been such a blessing to see the beginning of healing in our relationship. I'm unaware if she even knows how much she has hurt me over the years, but my heart has began to soften a lot towards her and that has been a beautiful, and at times painful, process to be a part of. I find peace in our conversations and they are conversations that are full of love. They are conversations that are meaningful and hopeful for our relationship. They bring me such joy. God has been changing my heart from a position of bitterness and one of disdain to one of complete love and grace towards them. How can I expect any healing to happen if I am not willing to let it happen? How can I expect to grow a better relationship with my mom if I'm holding onto all of these things from the past? God commands me to honor my father and mother and to be honest, I haven't done the best job of that. God has allowed me to let go of the large amount of hurt that I have held onto for years and I have found nothing but peace and joy. Yes, it's painful to sit there and think about all the hurt. Yes, it's painful to know that in order to really forgive my mom and for our relationship to heal in ways I cannot even imagine I am going to have to talk to her. But, the beauty that has already come out of me loving on her as best as I can and being gracious with her is infinitely more than I could have ever hoped for. I'm going home for Christmas break tomorrow and I am more than ready to love on my parents and love on them to the best of my abilities. My hope and prayer is that they notice something different about me when I'm home; furthermore, that they might begin to ask questions and begin to understand why I do what I do. I pray that Jesus will show up in the Aultman household during this holiday season. The beautiful thing about Jesus is that He shows up in every situation we are ever placed in, even when we're afraid He might not be present.

These past couple months, God has shown up so much in my life. I find that I am quick to doubt that God is going to show up in situations. It's easy for me to say "God, what are you doing? Why isn't this happening?" Fill in the blank for "this" because it could be anything. I start to trust my own judgment instead of trusting that God will be there and He will provide. Trusting God is a daily thing for me. Going into college, I never expected to be graduating an entire year early, to be a psychology major, to want to go into counseling/therapy, or that I wouldn't know what my future looks like. I am a planner. I like to know when something is happening in my life and how exactly it will play out. I like to have a multi-year plan for my life on the ready. I have to continually be reminded to trust that Jesus has my entire life planned and he's taking me on a great adventure and to be patient with it because He will reveal things when He sees fit. For a planner, that's hard for me. To trust that something so big, like my future, will be taken care of and taken care of well. I like to think of God as an adventurous God as He has taken me on so many crazy and unexpected, yet breathtakingly awesome, adventures.

As God continues to show up in the little areas of my life, like within my day to day tasks, or in the big areas, like my broken relationship with my mother, I pray for continued trust in Jesus. I pray that I will allow God to use me in ways that will take me on adventures I cannot begin to fathom. I pray that I respond to what The Lord calls me to with ease and with excitement.