That is the amount of time that Melissa has been in Heaven with Jesus. It is one of those things that makes me reflect on this past year. It definitely brings sadness to my heart and I miss her sweet self all the time, but it has been a year of growing and love. A year of trusting The Lord more and more. A season of anger, hurt, and a sad heart overlapped with a heart full of joy that my friend is with Jesus and has absolutely no more pain or suffering like she did here on earth in her physical body.
It was a year of a lot of emotions. Emotions on both ends of the spectrum. Emotions that had me dancing around and singing at the top of my lungs because I was full of joy and love and emotions that left me weeping. Emotions that left me in the middle of these two extremes.
I spent a season angry at God. Angry that He would take my friend's life. Angry that she had Cystic Fibrosis. Angry that I didn't get to hear her laugh, eat Wendy's baked potatoes, watch TLC or Nashville with her, or pray with one another; the list could go on and on. I spent a season of time where I was really sad and it felt as though my heart physically ached because I missed her so much. There was a more recent season where I had to ask God, "Do I believe You do all things well? Even if it is something that did not go my way. Even if it was something that was painful." My answer for a long time was no. I definitely told God that He was wrong and I was right. That taking Melissa from all of us was the wrong move (How silly am I, right?). The Lord is good. The Lord is sure. He is steady and strong. He knows exactly what He is doing. He knew what He was doing when He created Melissa and He knew she would face enormous obstacles her entire life, but He gave her a heart overflowing with love for others that she shined so bright in spite of her illness.
Melissa loved me, and everyone else, incredibly well. She spoke love and peace into the lives of every single person she came into contact with. She showed me what loving others as Jesus loves us truly looked like. That no matter what the cost, loving others really well was of utmost importance. She sought after The Lord harder than anyone I know and she did it with strength and courage as she fought her hard, painful, and tiring fight. Time and time again, we prayed together over her and her illness; but she always was more interested in how I was doing. She cared about me. I mean, really, and truly cared. What an honor to be loved on by such a special person. She showed me just how special a relationship with the Creator of the Universe was and what it looked like to run after The Lord with everything that you have. One of the biggest things she taught me, other than loving others, was that you should never say "never" when it comes to Jesus. You may not understand what is going on or you may not imagine yourself in a certain situation, but God is good. God is faithful. He knows exactly what He is doing and will lead us and guide us according to His plan for our lives.
She wrote a letter shortly before her 2nd double-lung transplant and I'm going to share an excerpt from it, "There are a few things that I have learned on this journey of life. One should never say, "never" when it comes to Christ. With God anything is possible and God won't put you through anything that together you can't handle. And when He is ready ~ He will bring you home! Honor and praise him and you will be rewarded. Everyone is made special in different ways so don't compare yourself to others and don't judge - that's God's job. I feel so so thankful that my life and circumstances could be used by God as an inspiration to others. So thanks again for everything and I'll hope you see you all in Heaven!
Love, Melissa"
Her life meant something. She knew that there was something greater to live for, to strive for. She knew that the unsatisfying things in this world would never be enough for her. They would never measure up to the joy and satisfaction in her Savior. She was a living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things for not only me, but the hundreds that came across her path.
When I start to grow weary and wear thin, I think of my precious friend. I think of how she lit up any room she was in and even in her weariest, and sometimes silent, of days she taught me and loved me so much. I think of how her perseverance built a character of hope, peace, and true life.
If I can love half as much as she loved people, I'll be in good shape.
A year later, I am still challenged by the precious voice in my head, encouraging and challenging me to love others and stretch beyond my comfort zone.
Mel, I hope you know that your life has had an enormous impact on more people than I can begin to name or count. I love you to the moon and back and miss you daily. My firefly is a sweet reminder of your comfort and God's ability to hold my broken heart.
"My One defense, my righteousness. Oh God, how I need You."
Heaven Song by Phil Wickham was a song that carried me through the time when she almost met Jesus in 2012. Beautiful words. The good news is that Jesus conquered death on the Cross. "Oh death, where is your victory? Oh death, where is your sting?"
A year ago Melissa swiftly sprinted off to be with The Lord. Selfishly, I want her here. But I would never take her away from Jesus in a million years. All that said, I pray for another year of loving others to the best of my ability and with all that my heart can muster.
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