Dependence.

I have this incredible friend whose name is Melissa. She's an inspiration to many. She's one of my biggest role models. She's the bravest person I've ever met. The strongest. Most courageous. Loving. Kind. Sweet. Hilarious. Pretty. Person. Ever. And I love her so stinkin' much. Melissa was born with Cystic Fibrosis, which effects your lungs, and has had transplants and is also in end-stage kidney failure. She's in and out of the hospital frequently and life has had a lot of bumps in the road for her. But our God provides and is faithful and He has brought her this far already. Last summer, 2012, she was at death's door but Jesus closed that one and opened one up for some healing and relief. As of right now, I'm praying she'll make it through the night.

It's hard to stay dependent on God in this situation. It's hard to trust that things will be okay, no matter the circumstances. It's hard to know these things.

But it's also easy to know that God has Melissa wrapped up in His arms. It's easy to know that I can find comfort in Jesus. It's easy to know that if God calls her home, she'll be really excited to meet Him. And if not, she's totally excited to serve Him still here on earth.

With all that being said, God has blessed me with an incredible community here that I can lean on and rely on. Tonight I crawled on my friend's couch while two of them rubbed my back and head and I laid on one of their laps and cried. Simply cried.

God taught me a lot last summer when Melissa almost died. He taught me a lot about finding rest in Him and depending on Him. I'm relearning this lesson right now. Selfishly, I want her here for as long as possible. But selflessly, I want her to be in no more pain.

All that being said, I'm learning again what it seriously means to be dependent on God through the illness of my friend. I'm learning that walking by faith and not sight is most important. I'm learning that if I don't rely on God then I won't get through anything even near to the severity of losing a friend. That I really need to speak words of love and encouragement into other people's lives. To be intentional with my relationships with people and to listen and love them so much more than I do. I'm learning to live a life with lots more love and lots more faith and dependence on the One who matters.